A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife; so he went to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home. The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that 'I' am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And, when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
"The funeral director," said his wife.

A lady walks into a pharmacy and asks for some arsonic. The pharmasist says "I can't sell you arsonic, why do you want it?" The lady lays a picture of his wife with her husband on the counter. Oh i did'nt know you had a prescribtion, says the pharmasist.