A guy sees a sign in front of a house in Luton: "Talking Dog for Sale."

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Sure do." the dog replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The dog looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift pretty young and
I wanted to help the government, so I told MI5 about my gift, and in no
time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with
spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be
eavesdropping.

I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running."

"The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any
younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in."

"I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of
medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for
the dog.

The owner says, "Ten quid."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so
cheap?"

"Cause he's a liar. He's never done any of that stuff" :D

http://elcaminocentral.com/users/elcamino/Funny%20Above.gif That was good!

The same dog walks into a bar. He hops up on a bar stool and puts his front paws on the bar. He looks the bartender right in the eye and says, "Hey, guess what? I'm a talking dog. Have you ever seen a talking dog before? How about a drink for the talking dog?"

The bartender thinks for a moment and says, "Alright. The toilet's right around the corner."


:mrgreen:

:lol:

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?"

She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit."


*******************************************
Two elderly Norweigen ladies from Dodge Center, MN are walking through a zoo in Burnsville. They come across the gorillas, and after a while they notice that the male gorilla has a massive erection.

The ladies are totally fascinated. Finally, one of the women just can't bear it any longer and she reaches into the cage to touch it.

Suddenly, the gorilla grabs her, drags her into the cage and mates with her for two full hours. When he's done, the gorilla throws the woman back out of the cage. An ambulance is called and the woman is taken away to a hospital in Edina.

A few days later her friend visits her and asks, "Are you hurt?"

"Am I hurt?" she answers. "Am I hurt? Wouldn't you be? He hasn't called, he hasn't written ....