One more Joke about Texas! [Archive] - El Camino Central Forum : Chevrolet El Camino Forums

: One more Joke about Texas!


ElkyPete
06-16-2003, 12:44 PM
>Dear Mom:

May 30th ~~~~ Just moved to Houston. Now this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! I watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.

June 14th ~~~~ Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.

June 30th ~~~~ Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th ~~~~ The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat and humidity is taking longer that I expected.

July 15th ~~~~ Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body). Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th ~~~~ I missed Morgan (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Morgan had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $2,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Kibbles and &%@*s. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.

July 25th ~~~~ The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

July 30th ~~~~ Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. $1,500 in house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

Aug. 4th ~~~~ It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85, but this freaking humidity makes the house feel like it's about 95. Stupid repairman. I hate this stupid city.

Aug. 8th ~~~~ If I hear another wise crack, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to strangle him. Darn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!

Aug. 9th ~~~~ Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my behind was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and behind. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried behind, and baked cat.

Aug. 10th ~~~~ The weather report might as well be a darn recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for 2 darn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this desert? Water rationing will be next, so my $1700 worth of cactus just might dry up and blow into the pool. Even the cactus can't live in this darn heat.

Aug. 14th ~~~~ Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 115 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $1500 house payment to bail me out of jail. Freaking Texas. What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here?

acauth1
06-16-2003, 12:52 PM
I love it!!!

Kool177
06-16-2003, 03:06 PM
I can kidna' relate... I don't live in Texas, but I live in Mesa, Arizona, right outside of Pheonix. It gets pretty darn hot here, right now it is 102, wait until July, triple digits with no Zero's. I love it here.

P.S. I skateboard outside in this weather for hours! 8)

dentstew
06-16-2003, 07:00 PM
Excellent! Just the way I remember it growing up south of Dallas. Each summer we'd be in the fields hauling hay. Even the field mice headed north for the summer.

Iceman
06-16-2003, 08:13 PM
My co-workers don't understand how I'm able to drink coffee during the day down here in San Antonio, it only got up to 90 degrees today! Having lived in Iceland for 27 years, I'm pretty happy with the weather; since I got here, it's been summer for me all year round! I sure don't miss fighting my way through blizzards, hailstorms and freezing rain. I'm sure some of you guys from up north agree with me, frozen door locks, slippery roads, windshield wipers popping off and scraping ice is not how I wish to start my day every morning in the winter anymore.

acauth1
06-16-2003, 09:38 PM
I drink coffee during the day as well...most people don't realize it actually helps cool your body.

ElkyPete
06-17-2003, 05:57 AM
I drink coffee during the day as well...most people don't realize it actually helps cool your body.

I drink Coffee all day long. My co-Worker think I am nutz. :shocked: In the "heat" of Summer I quit drinking coffee about noon and switch to Ice Water. We're talking July.

I saw this and laughed my butt off. It is pretty close to being the way it is. Although I think it does Rain in Houston more during the summer than here.

acauth1
06-17-2003, 06:46 AM
I did time in Houston, back in 83-85 ... (University of Houston)

Gozer
06-18-2003, 01:08 PM
Snippet from the news. The full results are on their website http://www.oldspice.com/
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Old Spice announced its second annual top 100 Sweatiest Summer City ranking to mark the beginning of summer.

Phoenix climbed eight spots from last year to claim the title as the nation's No. 1 perspiration producer, with the average resident losing nearly 0.9 liters per hour (about 2.5 12-ounce soft drink cans) during a typical summer day.

Houston ranked No. 2 and Miami came in at a close No. 3. San Antonio, which held the top honor last year, slipped to No. 4. The least sweaty cities include Spokane, Wash., Seattle and San Francisco.

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I spent some time in Austin a few summers ago. Most fun was the flight from DFW to Austin in a fully-loaded MD-80 with only only one of the two AC units working (110+ at DFW). Longest hour of my life.

CHVYPWR
06-18-2003, 06:21 PM
There was joke floating around just like that about Michigan and snow. Funny stuff :D