For decades I have been struggling to control my relentless urge to let loose every pony I have available and make my tires cry. Too often, after I abuse the tires and bring my motor to full chat, I like to keep it pinned while I exercise my Hurst Competition Plus through all four gears. Sometimes I even hold my breath until it feels like the wheels are going to just fly off. It is a serious problem that has affected my marriage and also introduced me to some very fine law enforcement officers.
My wife finally convinced me to seek professional help, so I did. I made an appointment with a very expensive local psychiatrist, aka "shrink", to discuss and begin a therapy plan to help me overcome this addiction to "muscle car thrashing". The office visit was cordial and the doctor and I seemed to be on the same frequency. He did not seem shocked to hear the details of my affliction. When my session was over the doctor walked me out of his office where we stopped momentarily in the parking lot. He proudly asked me, "what do you think of my baby?" He directed my attention to a beautiful Z06 Corvette that he was now unlocking and stepping into.
I felt all the blood in my body rush to my brain and struggled to gain my composure as I came to the realization that I had just handed $175.00 away to someone who obviously suffers the same way I do! I felt ripped off. I laughed and told the doctor, "See ya on the road!"
As he drove away with his tires lightly squealing and exhaust bellowing motor music, I was suddenly overcome with a sense of euphoria. I AM normal. I AM not a bad man. It's OKAY to flog your car because it feels great!
I declared myself cured at that very moment. No twelve step program for me! Today I decided that all the money I was planning on handing over to this "know-it-all" is going to pay for a new supercharger I have been dreaming about for years. God, what a great country !!
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