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87 Choo Choo
1,406 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's (2003) winners:

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray painted very, very high.

7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in
the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature - and my personal favorite....

18. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an ass hole.

(borrowed from Chevelle.com)

881 Posts
Peter, you must be reading some old newspapers. I think that was the 2002 list. Here is this years list from June 29, 2003:

Sixth Runner-Up: Philaunderer: He may hop from bed to bed, but he always washes the sheets.

Fifth Runner-Up: Guiltar: A musical instrument whose strings are pulled by your mother.

Fourth Runner-Up: Whorde: A group of prostitutes.

Third Runner-Up: Bigmoidoscope: A very scary doctor's instrument.

Second Runner-Up: Errorist: A member of a radical Islamic cult who blows himself up in a mannequin factory.

First Runner-Up: Palindromeo: Casanova von Asac, a legendary 18th-century seducer, later revealed to have gone both ways.

And the winner of the artsy place mats depicting people eating lamb chops:

The Fundead: Corpses who walk around at night with lampshades on their heads.

Honorable Mentions:

Tskmaster: An ineffective slave driver.

Forkplay: A lavish dinner date, in the hope of getting lucky.

Calculust: Figuring out exactly how much to spring for forkplay.

Grbc: A quarterback who is the consonant professional.

Persuede: To convince a person with a little gentle kidding.

Apocalypso: Day-o, me-day-day-day-ay-o. Doomsday come, and me want to go home.

Nimby-pamby: Not being able to decide what to keep out of one's back yard.

Hippopotamush: Love letters from Marlon Brando to Star Jones.

Spentiments: Afterglow.

Defizit: It's big, it's ugly, it keeps growing, and it's only going to get more painful.

Pâténa: A euphemism for liver spots.

Siddhmartha: A young Indian mystic who discovers the true meaning of life as a ferryman serving only the finest in freshly caught, hickory-grilled and lightly lemon-seasoned fillets.

Horspice: A glue factory.

Satisfarction: A fatal heart attack suffered during intercourse.

Nominatrix: A spike-heeled woman who controls the selection of candidates for party whip.

Concupiscience: Conducting an empirical study of Internet porn for, um, a doctoral thesis. Yeah, that's it.

Wisenheifer: A calf who sneaks up and tips over sleeping cows.

Idiotarod: An annual Alaskan race in which morons pull huskies sitting on sleds.

Sitcoma: Typical TV fare.

Amenstruation: The answer to prayers about a potential surprise pregnancy.

Dummary: An unnecessary explanation of a patently obvious concept. (e.g.: "Dummary: an unnecessary explanation of a patently obvious concept.")

Diddleman: A person who adds nothing but time to an effort.

Origasmi: The Japanese art of folding paper marital aids.

Urinpal: A guy who uses the one right next to you even though all the others are unoccupied.

Rescute: Saving the attractive women, children and puppies first.

Teim: Well, okay, now there's an I in team, but . . .

Platyplus: A mammal with webbed feet, a duck bill, and opposable thumbs.

Masturpiece: The best-picture winner in the Porn Awards.

Inmomnia: When a woman lies awake all night, waiting for you to call, just like she's waiting through backaches and morning sickness, for nine months.

Claptop: A portable computer that's been infected by a virus.

Frognostication: The science of predicting what day the following month that France will surrender.

Washington Pist: The Letters to the Editor page.

Precrastinate: "Do I eat the cookie before I watch 'American Idol' before I do my homework, or do I watch 'American Idol' before I eat?"

Restituition: The justification for stealing everything you can from the college dining hall.

Compenisate: To buy a red Porsche for reasons you don't quite understand.

Eficient: Extremely efficient.

Pollitician: Same as politician.

Nuculear: Referring to atomic energy. (George W. Bush, Washington)

Pestidigitation: How the exterminator makes the cockroaches magically disappear, then reappear soon after he leaves.

Chuck U. Smith: What people say every time they read the Invitational and their entry isn't in.

Vamplitude: A measurement of female seductive talent.

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